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At times, Jay Spring feels he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “detached from reality”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically coming after a “crash”, where he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his conduct, rendering him particularly vulnerable to disapproval from those around him. He came to wonder he might have this personality condition after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. Yet, he is skeptical he would have taken the label unless he had previously arrived at that understanding by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – particularly if they feel feelings of superiority. They operate in an altered state that they’ve constructed. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying The Condition

While people have been labelled as narcissists for over 100 years, it’s not always clear what is meant by the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people conceal it, as there is widespread prejudice around the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like seeking admiration,” the specialist says. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in NPD Presentation

Although three-quarters of people found to have NPD are males, studies indicates this number does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that narcissism in women is more often presented in the covert form, which is often overlooked. Male narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” explains a 23-year-old who shares content on her dual diagnosis on social media. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she says, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I either go into defence mode or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this response – which is sometimes referred to as “ego wounding”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners in my youth,” she admits. With professional help, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she explains she and her current boyfriend “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood primarily in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures as a child. “I’ve been learning over the years the difference between acceptable versus unacceptable to say when arguing because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she comments. Every insult was fair game when my household were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. “There is a genetic component,” explains an expert in personality disorders. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he explains – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Following an appointment to his general practitioner, he was directed to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was given the NPD label. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions through national services (ongoing counseling is the primary approach that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: It was indicated it is likely to occur early next year.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, personally, he has come to terms with it. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he says. All of the people have acknowledged their condition and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the disorder. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number